I Left My Shoe Leather in San Francisco

Hey, all, I am back in Bawlmer.

The conference, aka Snoozefest 2011, certainly lived up to its nickname. I will concede that it was informative, but Gawd....at one point, a  sudden noise jolted me and I realized that I had sleepy-time drool on my chin. I was tres embarrassed until I realized that the noise which woke me was the snore of the person next to me.

Portland itself, however, was an awesome city. Plush and lush and green, it was sort of like looking at the world through a seawater-filled fishbowl. Portland also had an overall quirky vibe to it, as opposed to, say, Salt Lake City, which has a distinct "children of the corn" kinda vibe.  I could clearly see myself living in Portland, except that all the people I love are here. Stupid people that I love. If  you really loved me back, you'd all be on the internet this very minute, planning a permanent move to Portland.Here are a few of the pic's I took in the Chinese Gardens in downtown Portland.

The High Holiness of Everything Awesome, however, is San Francisco. It is a city of contrasts--history and cutting edge, Old Money and Newly Arrived, tourist traps and out-of-the-way jewels. My hostess, Leia, was the mostest. She even gave me her bed while she slept on the futon. (Futon, from the Latin word Futonious, meaning: Whoops,there goes my back! )  I tried to repay her sweetness by matchmaking her with a darling young man I met in the apartment elevator. Leia, however, was under the impression that he might have been gay. A gay man....in San Francisco??? That girl do talk crazy sometimes.

We ate and drank and got our nails done like girlfriends. The Korean manicurist turned to Leia, pointed at me, and asked, "You mother, eh? You mother?" I have no illusions that anyone will ever point to me and ask another 25 year old, "You sister, eh? You sister?" But at least the word grandmother didn't come up. Here are a few pic's of SF, including the gorgeous Leia.

Speaking of things coming up, I thought perhaps that would be the fate of my dinner, as  the plane, flying through inclement weather,  did the bumpety-bump back to Bawlmer. I decided to turn my thoughts to cheerier things, such as: If I died right tonight, would I have any regrets?  Turns out I do have a few regrets. Here are my top five, in no particular order: 

1) Not sleeping with George Clooney when I had the opportunity.

2) Lying about having had the opportunity to sleep with George Clooney.

3) Once ordering a seafood meal at a Howard Johnson's.

4) The shiny, grey one-piece bathing suit I bought in the mid-'70's, right at the height of "Jaws" fever. I spent one entire goddamn summer running out of the water as people cried, "Shark!"....I didn't figure out until, like, August, that the people were referring to me.

5) Ruining an almost perfect GPA in college by seriously goofing off during the last semester of my senior year. I figured it was my last opportunity in life to be carefree, and, besides, why stress over grades at this point? It's not like college grades follow you through life or anything. 

Upon my return, the cat didn't speak to me for a week, (that's how they show their love), I had somewhere around 15 bazillion work emails to answer, one of my plants died, and there was a freak heat/humidity wave that frizzed my hair till I looked like Chaka Khan.


Yep, it's good to be back in home.