Hot Fun in the Summertime

It is summertime,y'all, the perfect season to indulge in some fantastically hot, awesome, unbelievable adult fun. That's right--it's time to read!


Here is a list of some favorite summertime, beach-reading books:

1) LAMB by Christopher Moore.

This piece of fiction is about the life of Jesus, as told by His best friend, Biff. The book interweaves Jesus' spirituality and actuality of His life, all cocooned in a laugh-out loud funny dialogue. One reviewer called Mr. Moore's humor "frat-house humor", and maybe it is, but so what? You will be laughing too hard to notice. Extra bonus: Jesus' middle name is revealed! I have enthusiastically, perhaps too enthusiastically, recommended this book to a multitude of people.(yep, I am specifically looking at you, Rick. But you are a Taurus, and can't be pushed, so I will back off. I promise.)

2) VALLEY OF THE DOLLS by Jacqueline Susann

Or  "The Love Machine," or "Once is Not Enough," or any other book by the First Lady of Literary Trash. I was 13 years old when I first  read "VOTD", my first "dirty" book. I was immediately drawn into Ms. Susann's world of unapologetic bastards and the women who love them.  In all of Ms. Susann's books, the women are all yearning for that something missing in their lives: love, sex, fame, Daddy.  The material is quite dated, (i.e..cautionary tales of  women who cash in their V-chip before marriage, only to discover that Mother was right about men and why they buy cows), but, still, lots of mindless, trashy fun. 

3. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

Or "Sense and Sensibility" or "Emma" or any Jane Austen classic. My heart breaks for the misspent passion of Marianne Dashwood, and soars when Elinor and Edward finally find their way back to each other. I cheer for the spirited Elizabeth Bennett, who meets her match in the seemingly dour Mr. Darcy. 

Of course, if its American passion you seek, there is always "Gone With The Wind." I'm  not sure  how practical it would be to take "GWTW" to the beach, as its about 1000 pages, hardback, but, oh me, oh my, it is a doozy of a story.

For all you men who wonder why your women-folk swoon over fictitious characters such as these, instead of a smoof operator like yo'self, may I offer some insight?

1) Rhett never asked Scarlett to feign cramps so as to get out of going to his mother's house for Sunday dinner. He also took Scarlett on a romantic riverboat cruise down the Mississippi. Your last suggestion was a trip to the Bowling Hall of Fame with some Moose Lodge buddies.

2) Things Mr. Darcy did not do in public: belch the alphabet, scratch his balls, call his bookie, forget your name; urinate in girlfriends' rosebushes.



Now you know, Mack Daddy. 


 

4. DANCES WITH WOLVES by Michael Blake

I have never seen the movie, as I tend to avoid anything with Kevin "Pasty-Face" Costner. But when my friend, Gerri, offered to lend me this book, I thought, why not? I had an upcoming dentist appointment and thought I would take it along. It had to be a more interesting read than those "American Dentistry" magazines that old Dr. Horowitz keeps in his office. I swear I simply cannot read another riveting article about gingivitis.

Gerri, by the way, is the woman who turned me onto "LAMB." We used to have a little book exchange club going on, but then I got a Nook and haven't had a book in my hand since. She is gracious enough to still speak with me.

Anyway, back to "DWW". It is one of the most beautiful books I have read in a  long time. Simplistic writing that packs an whollop of an emotional punch. The story is, basically, of a lost man who's innate decency allows him to finally find himself, his home and family, with the most unlikely comrades. Everything about this book moved me. I was actually in tears by the last few paragraphs.

Okay, so maybe not light summer reading, but please read it sometime in this life. If it touches you as much as it did me, then just go up to the boardwalk and get some Thrasher's french fries. That'll make you feel better.



5. THREADS

Anyone who knows me knows that I am all about those Tudors. Did you know that the original name of Windsor Castle was Dysfunction Junction? Nah, just kidding.

This book interweaves all past and present incarnations in which Henry 8th and Anne Boleyn are thrown together. For their first life together, they were friends in The Valley of The Kings in ancient Egypt, where Anne ended up as a prostitute and Henry....well, I don't want to spoil it. If this sounds like your kind of thing, you will love it. If not, just go up to the boardwalk and get some Thrasher's french fries.



BONUS:

MRS. PENEGRINE'S HOUSE OF PECULIAR CHILDREN. 

I've just started reading these one, and so far, I'm liking it.  It's the story of a young man who grew up with a grandfather who told him about a special island for gifted children...you know, kids who could fly, lift hundreds of pounds with ease, shrink into they could fit into a bottle....those kinds of gifted children, not the snotball kids we went to school with who were labeled gifted because they knew all the state capitals. Anyhoo, the children are on the island so that they would be safe from the monsters, who want to kill them because of their gifts.

The boy grows up, figures his grandpa's stories are just fodder for guillable children, until the day he discovers his grandfather dead and actually sees one of the monsters for himself.

This is all I've read so far, and I am really enjoying it.





Well, Happy Summer Reading.....oh, and enjoy the fries.