Monday, May 2, 2011

Horsepower vs. Horse Power

My car is making that funny noise again, the one that sounds like, "Hey, I heard you put a few dollars in your  savings account. I know what you can do with that money.  Spend it on ME!!"

It all started six years ago, when i purchased what has to be the lemon of all time. I  estimate that, with the cost of all the repairs I have spent on this car, I have paid for it about 900 times over.  I would tell you the make of the car, but I don't want to impune  an entire company just because I selected what could be their one loser of a car. (Hint: it rhymes with "Schyundai." )

This means I might have to get a new car. I was speaking to my friend, Jenn, about this. Jenn's a real smart old broad who knows a little bit about everything.

"So what are you looking at? Four wheel drive? Rack and pinion steering? Maybe a 3.7L V6 Engine with 4-Speed Automatic Transmission? What's your preference?"

"Blue," I replied, weakly. " I was thinking about a blue car."

There was a looooong pause on the other end of the phone. "Maybe I'll go with you when you start looking," she finally said.

I am not especially excited over getting a new car. I'm just not a car person. To me, they are nothing  more than a means to get from point A to point B. If I had my druthers, I'd really rather have a horse.

A horse is so much cooler than a car.  Think about it: they don't guzzle oil, seldom break down, and are ready 24/7. Plus look at all the jobs they would create: farmers would need to cultivate hay, carpenters would need to build stables, and there would be an entirely new industry: horse-shit picker-ups. I, personally, wouldn't be picking up after my horse. I gag when I have to clean the litter box.

And they are so much safer than cars. Really, when was the last time you heard of an eight-horse pile-up on the JFX? 

Okay, perhaps there are other issues that are nebulous. There only thing I know for sure is that my place of employment (Hint: rythmes with Schopkins) will find a way to gauge me for parking Mr. Ed all day.

Sigh. I guess, if I have to, one day I will get a new car. I mean, who are we kidding? Horses don't even come in blue.